Why do I self mutilate?

People think I'm so fricken happy all the time when really i hate myself. My famiybis crazy and my parents hate me. I always have a boyfriend and I'm always laughing or smiling on the outside...but the only reason i ever have boyfriends is because I flirt with them and play that stupid qeustion game...and I tell them I will send them "pictures" truth is I would never do that because I find it slutty. My life is so screwed up you don't even understand... And my boyfriend right now...Will? Well he tells me he loves me and that I'm amazing when really he just wants to get in my pants..I'm fat and ugly. And truth is...I'm in love with his bestfriend but that guy doesn't even notice. I just wanna be normal...normal weight, normal personality, normal family, and normal fricken relationships. I just wish I was dead... I cut myself all the time...and I try to tell people but no one ever seems to care I told my two friends and they went and told the counsalur so now my parents know but they left me after all of that...WTF. And all my boyfriends all say the same crap "oh idc I don't judge" "that doesn't bother me" and all of that stuff... now this is long so I don't blame you for not reading it...well bye... I need help. Please...?