I'm So Frustrated, What Is Wrong With Me?

I can't work or study, every time I sit down to start a project, I have to battle against myself, and usually end up not bothering with it at all and bursting into tears. It is not that I can't do it or that I can't be bothered, but I become physically paralyzed. I feel a little like a zombie. I feel dead behind the eyes, yet my brain is always running at a ridiculously high speed, and I have weird and abstract thoughts about the world. I detest myself. I starve and self-mutilate; often burning cigarettes on my forearms or cutting myself with razorblades/knives. I do not have problems with concentration because I am obsessive, and if something interests me, then I could stay awake all night fixating on it, however, I could not do the same for, say, an essay. Punishing myself feels like my only option. I cannot be close to people, it makes me physically sick. I always feel like other people are not good enough, even though I myself feel inferior. I am a masochist. I make weird fantastical connections and stories up in my head, and somehow believe them even though I would profess to be a nihilist and believe in nothing. What is wrong with me?